Redemption
by StoryGirl02
Summary: Sevans. Servus Snape, a difficult character to write. Very complex.


Redemption

_**Redemption.**_

It would be a cold day in hell before Severus Snape would admit to the rest of the Death Eaters that his patronus was a doe.

Sighing, he took a look around his living room at Spinner's End. He didn't know why he still lived there- it was constantly cold and contained too many memories. About her.

When he had first drunkenly confessed to Lucius he hadn't laughed- although Nott had- but had used it for the main piece in his Yule dinner party.

It had been horrid, Severus recalled, looking up and seeing a giant ice doe in the middle of the ballroom. He had seen Lucius's smug smirk and had vowed never to let them mock him about her.

Lily… Stifling a sob, he crashed wearily onto the sofa. How long had it been since he had allowed himself to think about her? Too long. But he had been too late, anyway. Three bloody years too late. His precious Lily in another's arms. Oh, how it had killed him inside. He had vowed never to love another, never. Only she deserved his love. And he had ruined it, all by calling her that name.

A tear rolled down his scarred cheek, followed by many more. Oh, how his missed her. Her smile, her laugh, her beauty. Her beginning. James Potter had been truly blessed.

He fumbled around in his pockets for his wand and, finding it, accioed the box from his bedroom. It landed with a clunk next to him.

He took a moment to wipe away his tears, before slowly lifting the lid.

Fumbling through the articles inside, Severus took a long look at the photos of Lily. His favorite was one of her gazing lovingly up at him, as they watched the sun set. It had been their last date.

Still crying, he took out the next picture. Lily, draped in a white Roman toga, smiling happily at the camera, green eyes aglow, the wreath on her red locks threatening to fall off. Severus smiled sadly. The picture Lily waved at him, still smiling, still full of happiness.

His fingers came to rest on his left arms right below the spot where his Dark Mark was forever etched into his skin. Lily……

He reached clumsily for the bottle of Fire whiskey he had left on the counter. Uncapping it, he took a long swig, still crying, as he reached the next fragment. He sighed. The letter.

_Dear Severus_, it read,

_I am writing because I fear my death is near. Are you afraid of death, Sevvie? I don't think I am._

_I've accomplished everything I can accomplish. I've been in love twice, to two great and wonderful men who have given me the world. I've been pregnant twice, the last resulting in a beautiful baby boy. The other, sadly, did not live, as you know._

_Think of this as my forgiveness. If you hadn't called me a Mudblood that day, I never would have have Harry. _

_I sometimes think about what would have happened if Fate had been different. I would be happy, for sure, because I would have had you and our little girl. Rosie…… I visited her today, in the graveyard. I miss her. Do you Sevvie?_

_My death is imminent, Sevvie, know that. I have accepted it. Death, is just another journey. Make sure you join me, my love. Rosie and I will be waiting, with open arms._

_I confess. I must ask you to do something. Please look after Harry. James and I will be gone. Please do it, for me Severus._

_I love you for eternity. We will have our happing ending._

_Lily._

He took another swig of the Fire whiskey. He hadn't done what she had asked. He hadn't looked after Harry.

"Rosie," He whispered. It echoed in the room. His daughter that hadn't lived. Another failure.

He remembered he birth. Lily, face red with sweat, cursing, pushing, and falling back onto the pillows as the baby came out. No cry. No sound. Nothing. A tiny blue face, purple lips, covered in blood, eyes shut. Opening them. Green.

Lily sobbing. His tears. Madam Pomfrey wrapping her up and handing her to them. More tears. Death.

Another failure.

He took out another picture of Lily, wiping the tears away. He smiled sadly and gazed at the picture Lily. She smiled and blew him a kiss, rubbing her pregnant belly as she did. Severus stifled a sob.

Lily. How was it that one person could be so beautiful?

He gazed at her pregnant belly, where Rosie had been. Although that had been terribly young when Lily had tearfully announced she was pregnant, they had both wanted this baby. But fate had taken her away from them.

He envisioned it now, if she had lived. A girl, with Lily's eyes and nose and his hair, laughing as her parents chased her. What would fatherhood been like, he wondered, pausing in his crying, before he shook his head and took out the next letter and picture.

It was the one of Lily smiling with James and Harry. He had found it in Sirius's bedroom after his death, and in a fit of rage had ripped in half, along with the letter containing Lily's love.

Oh, how he missed her! His Lily. He hadn't deserved her, any part of her. But he had loved her, and she had loved him. They had been happy. And he had noone to blame for screwing it up them himself.

He took another swig of Fire whiskey, frowning in the pain as it went down his sore throat. He packed the pictures and letters back into the bow, and accioed the letter he had written earlier that explained everything.

This was his redemption. He hadn't looked after Harry when he was younger, so he was gong to pass on his memories of Lily to him.

He took another swig of Fire whiskey and, smiling softly sent the box to one Harry James Potter.

Curling his fingers around the picture of the pregnant Lily, he smiled. _I'm coming Lily and Rosie. We will have our happy ending. _


End file.
